HELLO NEW ME!

Ahaha. For the records, just open back this blog after yearssssssss. Can't believe it still exist.

But anyhow, to little me. You are so lembik and sendu. Sorry to say. You need to step up your game baby girl. This is not the way for u to be success in your life if u keep worrying about others instead of yourself. You will hurt like extremely hurt.

So, cut to short. So many things happen, fall in love and heart break. Sadness, madness and less happiness I've gone through and I learn a lot of life lessons. The most affected is married on 2017 and get divorced by 2018. Yes its so fucked up. As you guys knew, I had no luck in love. I don't even know if its a curse or what. Already tried my best to be a better spouse but seems like everything is a waste. And next, fall in love with someone husband for nearly 3 years and found out on this February and still didn't let him go cz there is a lot of chemistry between us and he was so fucking nice to me. He love me with his soul and same goes to me. But, little did I know, keeping this relationship is actually quite a toxic. I know my mom won't agree and me myself feel guilty cz being a home wrecker. I don't want his child to feel the sadness and the hurt I felt before when my parents got split up for awhile. But I can't help myself. I love him and I need him. But besides that, I do something bad, horrible, worst, disgusting as a woman. Trying to move on by hooking up with another guy to cover up the sadness. Felt so fucking guilty but I can't help myself. Fall in love with his good gestures day by days. His gentleman move and his soft spoken and also his great personality even his a bit poyo. To be truth. I still can't decide to stay at which relationship. I love the someone else husband, maybe because I already feel comfortable with him cz he knew about my depression and anxiety shits but I kinda in love with the new guy cz he know how to handle me or how to be good. Like both is a good guy. God please leave me a hint so I can choose and not hurting people longer.

And below i attach together the link to my fav song.
My current theme song for now :(

Sadnnes is my friend :)

its already 7 months of our journey of love.. but.. i dont know.. it was like.. hmm.. all of my relationship no one will know me well even though they claim they know me better than my self??

WHY DO I BOTHER WITH LOVE WHEN I KNOW IT WONT LAST LONG?
i should learn to love my self before i learn to love others.

mistake by mistake.. but i didn't event any frigging lesson.  and at last, i'll cry. alone..

semua benda ada dalam otak. Ya Allah, serabutnya.. final is around the corner.. and me was like dumb ass sitting here on my bed crying and thinking about others and didnt do any fucking revision. tahniah Amirah -.-

I Hope for one day

Hope.. such a big word for me.. its like a things that we dream and we wish it can be true.. and I hope, one day... I'll change to a better person. To be a better Muslimah, In Sya Allah. :) This is my first try. I hope it will stay till the day I die. Amin :)